The Maynard
Spring 2015

The Day Everyone Realized You Weren't Special If You Were Gay

There is money laundering and then there is money drying.
You have to take the money and take a shit and take take take take take.

You have to. You don’t have a choice. You have to be
who you are and if you don’t, then you’re being

a fake. But either way, you’re being. That’s the good news.
Breath is the good news. The bad news is suicide.

That’s for people who can no longer stand
standing. They want to lie down forever, which is a long time.

It’s long like a long face. Like a long dick. Like a lawn dart.
Like going along with what everybody else is

praying. Here’s the really good news: the word homosexual
actually doesn’t appear anywhere in the Bible. If you don’t believe

me, then learn Hebrew, Aramaic, and ancient Greek.
You’ll find it was added in later. It was minused in.

It was an imaginary number that they decided to make
unimaginary. We should really have a parade to celebrate

the last parade, the Last Supper, and the last moment
of oppression. It’s going to be good from now on

and my definition of good is not your definition of good
because I believe that definitions are bullshit.

We need to all be undefined. We need to all be. We need.
That’s part of the problem, the chuck roast of the problem.

No, the flank steak of the problem. It tastes good,
as long as you put out of your mind the death of the animal.