The Maynard
Spring 2014

Sent From Me

1. Good news! No cavities. A small miracle, wouldn’t you say, after 4 years sans medical.
2. The hygienist—they are a rare breed—said hello brightly, then laid out her collection of hooks.
3. Now I know what it feels to be a hull hauled out and scraped clean of her barnacles.
4. I imagine the first lesson in hygienist school to be brow shaping. Like all right ladies, uniformity and definition—the key to any patient’s trust. Now for our second lesson: pore cleansing.
5. Caries is another way of saying cavity.
6. I’m not sure how two words can be synonymous when one implies weight and the other vacancy.
7. Once you said you didn’t believe in teeth brushing—were going au naturel—or might be convinced to use an Indian toothbrush if one could be made available.
8. Auto- number is now a permanent feature of this device. I’ve adapted. So can you.
9. When the real dentist arrived (greasy pores, bushy eyebrows) she started listing coordinates like we were playing battle ship: F9, F8, H6, G2 oh and G8 too I’m afraid.
10. I was scared when she asked me if I flossed and my gums were bleeding.
11. I shall not forget pencil-brow who hastened to my chair imploring, “she has tried her best.”
12. Adjusting the light so it would blind me, Dr. Bair declared, fourteen incipient teeth. Any other dentist would fill them, but she would not, for there was still a chance things could go another way.
13. I wanted to tell you: going au naturel at our age is bullshit; gum disease will soon be a bigger problem.
14. Kissing regularly—for the sake of consistent saliva flow—goes along way in protecting enamel.
15. Ps. I will no longer be signing off with xx’s. The dryness depresses me.

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